In Humor by admin


Miss Rose Brush, a bristling woman known for her ability to sculpt a lovely coiffure, died expectedly on Tuesday, February 23, 2016 at the age of 34.

Rose was born in Korea but lived most of her purposeful life in the United States, where she was gifted to her keeper in 1982. For the next seventeen years she held direct responsibility for sculpting the tender needs of his thick and often unwieldy bouffant.

A member of the Tupperware family, she was a smart, but inexpensive bristle brush made entirely of synthetic materials. Sadly, about halfway through her mostly unremarkable life she was already showing significant signs of age-related wear and tear, including skin damage and broken bristles.

In an attempt to extend her life’s purpose, she was pulled from active duty by her keeper in 1999 and dutifully replaced by a a young cousin named Holotta Brush. Right up to the morning of her passing, however, Rose continued to perform passionately and purposefully by providing the occasional tease to her keeper’s many furry children, which included an Anguillian mutt, five Golden Retrievers, six cats, and six rabbits.

She’d often joke, “Now I’m a hare brush!”

Rose was an inexpensive brush, but she had the touch and feel of a much more elegant and expensive one, like the Mason Pearson’s design whose natural boar bristles are known for distributing beneficial oils down the length of the hair shaft.

“The inhumanity of it all!” she would often whisper into her keeper’s ear. “Those poor boars!”

Rose was a plain Jane, but she was a flirtatious woman who enjoyed having locks of fun. In fact, she often joked that the only job she might have enjoyed more than brushing three Golden Retrievers in the final chapter of her life would have been to run her arthritic bristles through George Clooney’s trim.

“Just once, for the shear excitement of it all,” she said.

Rose loved to gallivant, and she was especially thrilled to tag along on business trips and vacations with her keeper. She traveled with him all over the United States, including Alaska and Hawaii, and to other faraway places like England, France, Scotland, and the Caribbean, where she worked with him in Anguilla in the mid-80s.

“If I didn’t love caring for you so much,” she’d often tell her pet friends, “I’d stop doing what I’m doing and travel the globe.”

Regrettably, Miss Rose Brush never got to fly on British Hairways.

In lieu of flowers, donations may be made in Rose’s memory to the Anguilla Animal Rescue Foundation (AARF).

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